Dear Doctor:
It’s not every day one turns fifty, yet I will indeed experience such a day tomorrow, Tuesday July 22nd. Today’s column is not so much to invite a flurry of congratulations as to capitalize on a privilege of seniority, to comment on my first half century and to offer whatever guidance I can for those just behind me on the path.
The first tidbit of advice I have to suggest is to be nicer to each other. I look at the rich relationships I have been blessed with, and I realize that they only exist across the decades because I make an investment in them, often just a shred of my attention, but always tinged with love, with kindness, and with respect. It takes much more effort to generate judgment, criticism and disdain, and the hurt can be so deep, so please, find opportunities to express your appreciation for those around you and what they do.
Next, I recommend that we expect more of ourselves. There isn’t one of us who has even tasted our ultimate potential — we are gifted with intelligence, creativity, and infinite raw materials, and too often we look at these acres of diamonds and complain about the hand we were dealt. Every one of us has more to work with than we currently use, so before we whine, we’d better make sure we’ve sized up the situation accurately and taken the responsibility to show up big enough. My sense of it is that we attract the challenges we can handle, and I’ve learned that every issue is a chance to demonstrate how effective I can be. Please raise your standards and see yourself as the marvelous creature you really are, so you can act accordingly and explore the possibilities of your own productivity.
Lastly, I believe that we must learn to stay present, conscious, and aware. At fifty, it’s not like I hear any clocks ticking, but as I live longer I must report that the time I get to spend with my dear friends and family, the time I get to look in my lover’s eyes, the time I get to enjoy my children, the crack of the bat, the sound of beautiful music, it all has taken on a newer, deeper significance to me, like a glimpse into eternity right here and now. Remember to smell the roses — the roses you are already holding in your arms.
I remember my nineteenth birthday, when my buddies who were already in their twenties told me, hey the twenties are even better than the teens, and I thought, how could that be? Then, as I grew through my twenties, my friends in their thirties informed me that the thirties are even better than the twenties, and once again, I thought, how could that be? Leaving my thirties, my friends in their forties said it again, and now that I’m fifty, these very same folks are forecasting the fifties… you guessed it… even better than the forties. And why should I think otherwise? Age is just a way of keeping track of how much good you’ve done, how much energy you’ve invested in those causes that inspire you to do so, and how much pleasure you’ve been able to share with those you care most about.
Dennis Perman DC, for The Masters Circle
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